Happy Thanksgiving everyone. This week’s episode of Fumes is coming to you live from my parents’ house in the suburbs of Boston. One of the best things about going to their house—along with the stocked fridge and Q-Tips—is that they have Digital Satellite TV, the three greatest words known to humankind after Spicy Chicken Sandwich.
So on Saturday, I was hyper-flipping through the channels—I was in that Zone you get into when you scan the show description and move on to the next channel before any picture appears, and you go from channel 200 to 500 basically watching a black screen—when I saw the words “The Fast and the Furious” on STARZ! I had just passed “Dragonheart” on HBO and knew a decision had to be made (keep in mind that I was still hyper-flipping through this process—the Zone stops for no one). I eventually backtracked to STARZ! and heard the words, “Amateurs don’t use nitrous oxide!” and my entire column crystallized in front of me right then and there, like a snowflake.
Back in college we had made a drinking game out of the movie “Speed.” Like most drinking games, it wasn’t that complicated. Whenever Keanu said something really dumb you had to drink. That’s the only rule and we didn’t get any more specific than that. Remarkably, everyone wound up drinking at the exact same points in the movie. It was high comedy.
Well, you can do the same thing with “The Fast and the Furious.” Believe me, if you hauled ten strangers off the street and we had just finished watching the “I need NOS!” scene between Officer Brian O’Conner and Harry the Shop Owner, we’d all be three sheets to the wind right now. And there’d still be another 90 minutes left to go. A great way to kill a case of Natty Light.
(By the way, have you noticed how Paul Walker has this weird strut throughout the movie? It’s sort of a swagger, but not quite, like he’s completely inflexible. It’s a cross between Dylan McKay and the T-1000.)
So, here it is: The Fast and the Furious: The Drinking Game. Gather your friends, turn off the lights, and let the art of TFATF take you to places never thought possible. And not that you’d need them, but here are some other moments you’ll probably find yourself clinking cans, too:
1. When Brian races himself in the green Eclipse. It’s his very first scene. He shifts up like seven gears or something before spinning out.
2. When Brian is hitting on Mia at the sandwich bar and Dom’s crew pulls up. Vince says something like, “I’m not feeling it, Jesse!” And Jesse pops open the hood of Vince’s Maxima and says, “Tune the NOS timing and you’ll run 9s.” (Pretty much every time Jesse opens a hood and says something about the motor you can pour one down the hatch.)
3. When Brian tells Jesse that he should be at MIT because he can take digital pictures of cars and put them on a floppy disk.
4. When Jesse replies, saying, “There’s something about engines that calms me down.” And the camera holds on Brian’s sensitive face for ten seconds, just in case we didn’t realize that Jesse has a heart.
5. The entire scene where Dom shows Brian the muscle car inside his wooden farmhouse garage. Hear those violins? That means, “Drink one for Dom’s dad.”
6. The last line of the movie (not including the postcard from Baja, Mexico): “I owe you a 10-second car.”
A favorite inside joke when I was at Super Street involved that last line. In real life the car belonged to Craig Lieberman (otherwise known as “The Godfather of the In-Car TV”) and was heavy as a tank. There was no way it could do 10s unless it was off a cliff with a stiff tailwind. Hence this common office exchange:
Super Street Staff Guy 1: “I owe you a 10-second car.”
Super Street Staff Guy 2 (pretending to look back at the Supra): “That piece of crap?”
Ha! Still brings tears to my eyes. Anyway, enjoy the game.
Richard S. Chang was the editor of Super Street magazine and now appears in UrbanRacer.com the first and third Monday every month. He can be emailed at firstname.lastname@example.org.
** This is the part where we tell you that "The Fast and the Furious", associated screen shots, and The Fast and the Furious DVD box design are trademarks and property of Universal Studios. We also have to say that the opinions and ideas expressed on this column are not necessarily those of UrbanRacer.Com. We drink responsibly and so should you - never ever drink and drive. **